


that's a dreadful idea

by ernestdummkompf (JehanFerres)



Category: Natasha Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812 - Malloy, Voyná i mir | War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace (TV 2016)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Introspection, Suicidal Thoughts, dolokhov just kinda thinks, nothing actually...happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-17 01:04:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11264742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JehanFerres/pseuds/ernestdummkompf
Summary: It had fallen through, he supposed.Dolokhov, on the other hand, hadn’t.





	that's a dreadful idea

**Author's Note:**

> my friend suggested the title for this one as a joke and i'm a little annoyed by how well it fits. anyway, here's some Dolokhov Introspection. it's very dark and all but i actually wrote this while thinking about that “a chihuahua and a peach” video and watching a documentary about cheap airline flights so… ya know.

Being a daredevil suited Dolokhov, really.

He had always been like it. right from when he had been a child and his father had been killed in a duel, leaving him and his two year old sister behind. Not only did it entertain him, but he could disguise the constant hiss of sadness in his head.

It could be anything. He had been dared to steal the bear, for example, and he had happily done that, in exchange for a bottle of rum. And then the window. He had nearly died, but he had fifty roubles to show for it. That, he decided, was twenty-five for his mother, twenty for his sister, and five for him. He could scrounge something off Anatole, if he needed to, but his family couldn’t.

It could disguise a lot, but Dolokhov didn’t think he could use it to hide everything. Maybe for now he could pretend it was just something that he enjoyed doing and maybe for now it was “just because he needed money Anatole honestly,” but eventually the mask would slip.

It had come close that evening. After he had jumped back through the window Anatole had asked him why he hadn’t just taken hold of the damn windowsill when he had started to slip and it had taken everything Dolokhov had in him not to painstakingly tell Anatole just how much he wanted to die. In the end, he had just replied that fifty roubles were fifty roubles.

Anatole had stormed off.

Dolokhov had started a second bottle of rum and sulked with it in a corner until Pierre grabbed the bear and the three of them (or four of them: Dolokhov, Anatole, Pierre, and a bear) had set off. Dolokhov had lingered a little way behind under the pretence of not wanting to get savaged. Really, though, he had just wanted to withdraw into himself.

What Dolokhov wanted, he would tell anybody who managed to pry too far past his brash hypermasculinity, wasn’t to take an active role in his death. But he also didn’t want somebody else to cause his death. He wanted it to be something that he did, but in a way that would look to the untrained eye (and his mother. And his sister. And Anatole) as though he had just made a misjudgement.

The perfect opportunity would have been falling off the windowsill. It would have only taken a couple of more seconds and really if he hadn’t been nearly finished by the time he started to slip he probably would have fallen on the ground.

It had fallen through, he supposed.

Dolokhov, on the other hand, hadn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> this was somewhat based on The Following Thoughts i had: he basically implies at one point that all he really…..thinks/talks about is how much he hates himself (when somebody says to stop talking about how much he hates himself and dolokhov just goes like “…I guess I’ll not talk about anything, then”) and l i k e
> 
> he spends all his time drinking and partying and doing stupid things (like how we’re introduced to him in the book as a guy who will take any bet including one that nearly kills him) and that he runs into battle and just…. hacks the enemy to death
> 
> anyway what im getting at here is that dolokhov is actually……very depressed and hoping that eventually he’ll wind up dead doing some stupid thing


End file.
